The time God told me No.

This is from about two months ago, I finally felt like sharing this…

     Going into Malaysia I was praying to see miracles. I am very passionate about evangelism and I really wanted to see big things happen. A lot of things in Thailand had fallen through and I felt as if I was useless. On the way to Malaysia, I fasted for two days to see miracles. On Wednesdays in Malaysia, we would go do street outreach and some would stay back at the ministry location and intercede for the others.

       After the first evangelism night in Malaysia, I was so upset. I had talked to very few people, nobody wanted prayer, and a group of people told me what I was doing was illegal and I needed to leave. Why had the Lord brought me here? Why has nobody came to Christ? Was I being used? Why can’t I hear the Lord, but others can? These questions came up so, I took it to the lord in prayer, yet I heard no answer nor did I see any fruit. 

      I kept my faith and became more and more radical. I started to fast often and I grew even more in my prayer life. I was seeking the lord with all I had. On Tuesdays and Fridays, when we were in the prayer room from 4-7 hours at a time, I never stopped talking to the lord. In Matthew 7:7,8 Jesus says, ” Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”

    I kept on seeking the lord and the lord finally spoke to me. As I was praying one day the lord gave me a vision… I saw big sails on a wooden mast… Then I heard the word “Jonah”. I quickly grabbed my bible next to me and went to the book of Jonah and read it. Nothing really jumped out to me. What was God trying to tell me? So I started to seek the lord again and continued in prayer for a little longer.

    Finally, the lord lead me to Matthew 12: 38-40 “ Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.” He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.” It took me a minute to figure out what God was telling me, but then I knew. God told me No. I have the bible, I do not need to see miracles to believe. I needed something else God kept telling me, but what was it? 

     I started to fast again and continued praying more, for I really wanted to see miracles. I started to seek wiser people than I for advice. God kept shoving 1 Corinthians 13 at me all month, I felt as if that was the only verse I would hear. Then I got it, I needed compassion and love. One of my leaders on the race told me,  I was looking to see Gods power, but was not focused on his love. God wanted me to learn how to actually care about the person. If I am praying for a man in a wheelchair, why go up and just pray for legs. It may be best for him to stay in a wheel chair, maybe that is Gods plan to reach him. How dare I use Gods power, but not show any love. 

  1 Corinthians 13 says  “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”  I need love and compassion which I lack. 

  So, I went back to the lord and prayed for compassion and love. Through-out the new testament, Jesus says we can ask for anything in agreement with the Fathers will. Look at Matthew 7:7, Matthew 18:19, Matthew 21:22, Mark 11:24, John 14:13, John 15:7, and so on. I asked the lord to give me the love and the compassion, which I lack. 

  The next outreach/evangelism I felt the lord telling me to stay back. So I stayed back and prayed for my friends and the people they would encounter. I put myself and what I wanted to do last. I was learning and walking out love and compassion. The whole night, I never ran out of the words to say. This night was great. 

  The last week in Malaysia, we had our very last Evangelism night. All the times I had went out had not been good. But, this night I was filled up. The spirit was moving inside me, I was filled up with so much love and so much compassion. Before the night I was blasting worship music and dancing. I got in a group, and we decided to go to little India. As we were walking I saw this man in a wheelchair and he was in a conversation, I wanted to speak to him, but the group I was with was far ahead. I caught up and a few minutes later I saw this man, he was crippled. We walked right past him and I stopped and called everyone back. I talked to this man for a bit. He had so much joy, but deep in his eyes I could tell he was hurt. I prayed for him and asked him how much money he needed, he asked for 50 cents worth. I gave him it and walked away. As I was walking, I was so filled with so much compassion, my heart was pounding. I ran back to him and pulled out my wallet and gave him more money.  This man was so hurt, looked lonely, but yet had so much kindness. He only asked for 50 cents worth, but he deserved way more than that. I prayed for that man again and I still pray today. May blessings rain down on him. 

    We stopped with a homeless man and talked with him, again I felt so much pain for this man. He sleeps on the streets and rats come up at night and bite his toes. As we continued walking, I saw a man laying on the ground. It was one of my friends I had made here in Malaysia. This man is crazy, I never caught his name, everyone yells at him and he is homeless. Something is not right mentally in this man, but who am I to push him off. I got to talk with him and hug him. I see this man almost every other day, and people just think we are crazy when we talk with him. Why not show this man some love. Every time I went up to him he would scream, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

   Finally, we were walking back and I saw the man in the wheelchair again. We came up to him and talked for 10ish minutes, just getting to know him. He believes in Jesus, lost his legs years ago and has a wife and family. I got to know what his favorite drink was, which is Nes cafe.  I prayed for him and then I left while the others were still talking with him. I bought him a Nes cafe and brought it to him. He was so excited and thanked me. Tonight was amazing. I got to experience what true love and compassion looks like. 

    God told me no to miracles at this point in my journey, in order to show me one of the most important things I had missed: Love and Compassion. 

   Two months have gone by and I have learned so much more, but as of now this is all I feel led to share. God has taken me on a journey, and this past week I saw two miracles. Jesus still exist today and He still heals today. 

   God made sure I had enough faith in him and that I would understand love, before he would show me the miracles I wanted to see.  Seek the Lord and you will find.